Ami udbo...gaan gaibo...

why do you despair? i have laid the world at your feet to explore and conquer...and still you say you are unhappy?
you know you made me to fly...and now that i've learnt how to fly you want to clip my wings and reduce me to walking...what use is all the land in this world if i don't have the endless sky to float in? this cage you want to put me in may be made of gold but it's a cage...
what cage do you talk of? i wish to make you a king amongst men...
i'd rather be a vagabond amongst birds...i want to fly high and wide over this world...i want to sing so that the world can listen...i know how it feels to fly across the boundless sky...i know how it feels to make even a single person happy with my song...and now you want me to give up my gifts of flight and song and live like those myriad small creatures trying to tie us to the ground...you consign me to a life consumed by slow decay...give me the earth if you wish to, but don't take my beloved sky away for that...
har kisi ko muqammal jahaan nahin milta, kabhi zamin to kabhi aasmaan nahin milta...
to kheench lo mere pairon tale se ye zameen...par udne do mujhe is khule aasmaan mein...
what about her? won't you accept your fate even to stay with her?
she is all i've ever desired...she is the one who has always heard me sing...she is the one who has always seen me fly...i can't imagine life without her...i am the most untainted by your world's corruption when i'm with her...
so you'll give up your unreasonable dreams of flying for her?
no...if i were to get an eternity with her in exchange of flight it would be an eternity of torment for me and for her...it is she who inspires me to fly...it is she who inspires me to sing...i couldn't bear the torment of being with her with clipped wings and muted voice...
do you realise what you wish for? you leave the trodden path to do what you like...you will have to make your own trail in the sky...you will have to fight...
i am willing to fight even against you father...i am willing to doom my soul to eternal damnation if i can fly for even a single fleeting moment...if one song of mine gives an ephemeral smile to the face of one single person, i am willing to die for the ability to sing it...you made me to fly father...you taught me to sing...let me fly...let me sing...or let me die dreaming of it...

" Yash, maan, khyati...
Na, chai na...Ami udbo, gaan gaibo..."
-From the play 'Tota Kahini' by Gautam Sengupta based on a short story by Rabindranath Tagore.

two fests, angst and a poem...

well due to an unfortunate incident my band couldn't go to iim-c to perform...so 'catcher in the rye' might not be publicly performed for a long time to come...i did participate in the dramatics events there and won the first place in the impromptu event...but disappointingly we didn't get anything in the street play competition because the judge thought that we were too rigid and conventional in form to attract an audience in the street...my only misgiving was that the play that won was in english which is not a known language to a great number of people in the streets of india...well no use bitching now...had a great time in carpe diem though...and that is always the bottom line...enjoy...

spring fest was a big disappointment but i had the benefit of staying almost perpetually high which sort of made up for it...skinny alley was great...hullad muradabadi was better...i had a good time but this was the worst sf i've seen in my four years here...either it sucked or i've lost the excitement for it...

am currently disgusted with the kind of appreciation that mediocrity recieves all around me...shahrukh is the biggest star of india, ekta kapoor is a bigtime successful producer, emraan hashmi is the cat's pajamas currently, himesh reshammiya is giving hit after hit, more people liked euphoria and shankar mahadevan than skinny alley, people actually applauded a poem called 'bomb se uda do yaaron pakistan ko', the techno mix crappy versions of jal's aadat are more popular than the original, paheli was india's official entry for the oscars instead of hazaaron khwahishein aisi, someone actually told me that i sing very well...the list goes on and on...i'm sick of it...i'm totally sick of it...

but life still goes on...was recently inspired to write what follows...had been swirling in my head for a long time so i decided to finally give it form...



Brahmanandaam, Paramsukhdaam

dancing in ecstasy to the rhythm of life
in that frozen moment of exuberance
just you and me and the night sky
melting and flowing and becoming one
our bodies entwine, the dance continues
the dance of celebration, the dance of life
locked in embrace for all eternity
no time, no space, no thought in mind
no sound save the rhythm of silence
just you and me and the night sky
our bodies fuse in the dance of passion
you become me, i become you
just you and me and the night sky
just the rhythm and the dance
gar firdaus bar rue zamiast
hamiasto hamiasto hamiast...

carpe diem baby...

thnx for all the appreciation for my last post...to let the secret out, that poem is now lyrics to a song composed by my band...i'll be crooning 'catcher in the rye' in iim-c's cult fest carpe diem '06 along with some covers tonight...and hoping against hope that we'll make it through the prelims, again on saturday night...also doing a street play in the same fest on sunday...explains why i've been so busy ever since returning to kgp...gonna have a lotta fun over the weekend...more on carpe diem '06 later...

"here i am on the road again
there i am upon the stage
here i go being the star again
there i go, turn the page..."

carpe diem baby...

over the cliff...

felt really inspired by 'citr'('catcher in the rye' by j.d.salinger, for the ignorant)...came up with the following...
disclaimer:you might not understand what is being said if you haven't read the book.

ecstatic,euphoric...
running in gay abandon
through the rye field
never thinking of what was yet to come...
ebullient,exuberant...
running like a madman
living every moment of life
never thinking that this could end...
innocent,ignorant...
running right over
the edge of a crazy cliff
never knowing that this was the end...

where were you catcher in the rye?
why didn't you come to save me?
i believed you catcher in the rye
but i'm over the cliff already...

wish i could return
to that field of rye
and run again in innocence
with not a phony
thing in sight
not a hint of pretence...
but the lagoon gets icy and frozen
and the ducks have got to go
i'd like to break the ice and swim
but they just wont let me go
they make me play by rules they make
life being a game and all...
you said it was crazy but you'd do it
then why'd you let me fall?

where were you catcher in the rye?
why didn't you come to save me?
i believed you catcher in the rye
but i'm over the cliff already...

i don't like anything thats happening
i don't like a million things
i don't...
the lagoon is frozen and i want to go
flying away with the ducks
i won't...

i won't give up before getting started
i won't keep falling and falling...
i won't go on down and down
i'm not afraid of stopping...

i don't need you catcher in the rye,
i'm over the cliff already...
but i'll make my own field of rye
and then i won't miss everybody...

when she's gone...

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
It's not warm when she's away
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
and she's always gone too long
Anytime she goes away

Wonder this time where she's gone
Wonder if she's gonna stay
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
and this house just ain't no home
anytime she goes away

And I know, I know...

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
Only darkness everyday
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
and this house just ain't no home
anytime she goes away...