The Gecko...

As I sit down with a blank page and pen
thinking what to write...
I see a gecko, freshly out of its black hole in the wall,
basking in the heat of the lamp
which tries to light up the dark night.
And i watch as the gecko sits there
changing color from black to beige...
slowly, excruciatingly, inexorably,
trying in vain to blend in;
losing itself.
And I realize...
I don't want to be that gecko.

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mujassime...

chaand ki thandi roshni mein
sangemarmar ke mujassimon ki tarah,
bahut khoobsurat hai ye jahaan...
lekin kuch mara mara sa lagta hai...

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I am...

I am the Elements
I am the Force
I am the End
I am the Source

I am Zero
I am Infinity
I am the Moment
I am Eternity

I am the Vibration
I am the String
I am the Cosmos
I am Nothing

I am the Stillness
I am the Dance
I am Destiny
I am Chance

I am the Word
I am the Sound
I am what You seek
But never found

I am your Consciousness
I am what you see
I am You
And You are Me...

sea side ramble...

the eternal crashing of the waves into the rocks
as the sea rushes to meet the land
drawn by some force, larger than itself.
an endless yearning for oneness...

towards the horizon, the endless ocean
merges into the gray blue sky
drawn by some force, larger than itself.
the artist smudges the line between water and space...

the fiery sun watches and mocks the sea
as it pines and yearns for the impossible,
each particle dancing its own cosmic dance
at the command of the salty wind and the cold moon.
but everyday the sun forgets
that it moves towards an inevitable end
drawn by some force, larger than itself.
it grows red and melts into the aquamarine...

the fire, the earth, the water, the wind and endless space
bound together in this cosmic dance.
fulfilling some need to merge into one- momentarily, eternally
drawn by some force, larger than themselves...

shehar

saal ki pahli baarish mein dhula hua ye shehar...
roshni aur chakachaundh mein ghula hua ye shehar...
jaane kya maangta hai, aasmaan chahta hai...
apni hi zameen ko bhoola hua ye shehar...

Five more Haikus...

the wind sighs through the
trees outside my window as
the darkness gathers.
********************
the walrus and the
carpenter are striving to
make fools of us all.
********************
whoever said that
God is a nice guy, never
met Him in person.
********************
beware the monstrous
clutches of the creature they
call by many names.
********************
the light of knowledge
spreads through the darkest of minds...
Utopia comes.
**********************
- Kakafukino Infinata (1101-1213 AD)

five haikus...

*******************

one more chapter ends
a new one about to start
the story goes on

*******************

the evil in us
never takes a day off and
tells us what to do

*******************

when we are happy
the winter of life appears
and takes it away

*******************

lizards all around
clicking in the springtime of
youth and decadence

*******************

who calls for me now
in the monsoon of sorrow
with that wailing shriek

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random thoughts...

fat lizard on the wall to my left...unmoving...fat, ugly, lazy thing...is everything in this world beautiful?

is anything?

given a choice, would you lie to someone close to keep them happy, temporarily, or would you tell them the truth and cause them pain?

is time linear or do we only perceive it that way?

is there anybody out there?

helllooooo?!?!?

what is our true purpose in life? attaining perfection or forever striving to be better?

is it right to break the dreams of others to fulfill your own?

can dreams ever be fulfilled?

is god an omnipotent, omniscient, benevolent being who is testing our faith or is she a prankster, having fun at our expense?

does god exist or was he created in man's own image?

was the indus valley civilisation an early vedic settlement or was it destroyed by incoming aryan hordes?

does it really matter?

does anything really matter?

did i make any sense?

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read my latest post and zero's reply on infinity and zero...
it's all about the freedom to choose and whether a choice really matters when there are much larger issues at stake...

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From the Archives:
" Yash, maan, khyati... Na, chai na...Ami udbo, gaan gaibo..." -From the play 'Tota Kahini' by Gautam Sengupta based on a short story by Rabindranath Tagore.

haunted by a dream...

i had never in my life believed that i could be a songwriter...until a few days ago...my poem catcher in the rye was made into a song by us but i wrote it as a poem to which my friend shravan gave the sound of music...but a couple of days ago we were jamming and i started singing whatever came into my mind...some of it was lyrics of songs i knew sung to a different tune and some of it was made up impromptu...what lies beneath is a refined and more complete version of the impromptu parts...i call it 'dreams of pink and white'...

puff the magic dragon and I
once went into his lair...
we chanced to talk of was and when
and also then and there...

we walked through times bygone and new
and saw their fools and kings...
this world is such a cruel place
just full of stupid things...

dreams of pink and white, and
smoke rising through the night...

puff the magic dragon and I
into the skies we soared...
we floated on the cloudy turf
and then we talked some more...

but,hark the birds of pleasure sang
in words of white and gold...
their secrets were then hidden deep
never to be retold...

dreams of pink and white, and
smoke rising through the night...

but the dream was broken
what could i do?
idiots ruled in heaven
nothing was true!
they came for me and took away
everything i wanted
i was left feeling hollow
but still i was haunted ...
haunted...
haunted...

pain, misery, abomination,
hunger, death, discrimination,
false prophets, prevarication,
they don't like you, extermination...

haunted...haunted...haunted...

living a lie of happiness
blinded by what they feed you
you think everything is fine
get out i don't need you

haunted...haunted...haunted...

puff the magic dragon and I
have looked beyond their lies
let them mock and rule today
for one day we shall rise...

dreams of pink and white, and
smoke rising through the night
dreams of pink and white, and
smoke rising through the night...

10915-070328-262830-81
© 2007 All Rights Reserved.

the song of the nightingale...

its been a long time since my last post...but sometimes it takes a break to get the right perspective...this poem expresses my deep intolerance for organised religion in all its forms even though i've used only christian theology and mythology as its symbols...oh it's great to be back!!!

can you hear the nightingales sing
in voices full of sorrow
can you hear that song of woe
that tells of how you killed tomorrow

the angels weep as they fall from grace
and the father laughs aloud
while the son mocks them as they burn
ha! you had to be proud!

the serpent is cursed for he gave you the truth
and tried to set you free
while jokers and magic men you enthrone
'cause they lie to your face with glee

too many lies
too many cries...of pain
too little love
too little truth...remain
shackles, fetters, chains and locks
everywhere around
the only true joy of liberty
is nowhere to be found

if just once you'll heed the song
instead of the promised lies
come fly with me and the magic dragon
to a world untouched by eyes

kill the monster you created
if he isn't already dead
for though you live on in blind faith
it's all just in your head

no more kings!
no more priests!
no more lies!
no more cries!
no more tears!
no more fears!
no more hatred!
no more war!

Peace...Beauty...Truth...Love...
and Freedom!

can you hear the nightingales sing
in verses sharp as arrows
can you hear this song of hope
that tells of how we'll save tomorrow...

Ami udbo...gaan gaibo...

why do you despair? i have laid the world at your feet to explore and conquer...and still you say you are unhappy?
you know you made me to fly...and now that i've learnt how to fly you want to clip my wings and reduce me to walking...what use is all the land in this world if i don't have the endless sky to float in? this cage you want to put me in may be made of gold but it's a cage...
what cage do you talk of? i wish to make you a king amongst men...
i'd rather be a vagabond amongst birds...i want to fly high and wide over this world...i want to sing so that the world can listen...i know how it feels to fly across the boundless sky...i know how it feels to make even a single person happy with my song...and now you want me to give up my gifts of flight and song and live like those myriad small creatures trying to tie us to the ground...you consign me to a life consumed by slow decay...give me the earth if you wish to, but don't take my beloved sky away for that...
har kisi ko muqammal jahaan nahin milta, kabhi zamin to kabhi aasmaan nahin milta...
to kheench lo mere pairon tale se ye zameen...par udne do mujhe is khule aasmaan mein...
what about her? won't you accept your fate even to stay with her?
she is all i've ever desired...she is the one who has always heard me sing...she is the one who has always seen me fly...i can't imagine life without her...i am the most untainted by your world's corruption when i'm with her...
so you'll give up your unreasonable dreams of flying for her?
no...if i were to get an eternity with her in exchange of flight it would be an eternity of torment for me and for her...it is she who inspires me to fly...it is she who inspires me to sing...i couldn't bear the torment of being with her with clipped wings and muted voice...
do you realise what you wish for? you leave the trodden path to do what you like...you will have to make your own trail in the sky...you will have to fight...
i am willing to fight even against you father...i am willing to doom my soul to eternal damnation if i can fly for even a single fleeting moment...if one song of mine gives an ephemeral smile to the face of one single person, i am willing to die for the ability to sing it...you made me to fly father...you taught me to sing...let me fly...let me sing...or let me die dreaming of it...

" Yash, maan, khyati...
Na, chai na...Ami udbo, gaan gaibo..."
-From the play 'Tota Kahini' by Gautam Sengupta based on a short story by Rabindranath Tagore.

two fests, angst and a poem...

well due to an unfortunate incident my band couldn't go to iim-c to perform...so 'catcher in the rye' might not be publicly performed for a long time to come...i did participate in the dramatics events there and won the first place in the impromptu event...but disappointingly we didn't get anything in the street play competition because the judge thought that we were too rigid and conventional in form to attract an audience in the street...my only misgiving was that the play that won was in english which is not a known language to a great number of people in the streets of india...well no use bitching now...had a great time in carpe diem though...and that is always the bottom line...enjoy...

spring fest was a big disappointment but i had the benefit of staying almost perpetually high which sort of made up for it...skinny alley was great...hullad muradabadi was better...i had a good time but this was the worst sf i've seen in my four years here...either it sucked or i've lost the excitement for it...

am currently disgusted with the kind of appreciation that mediocrity recieves all around me...shahrukh is the biggest star of india, ekta kapoor is a bigtime successful producer, emraan hashmi is the cat's pajamas currently, himesh reshammiya is giving hit after hit, more people liked euphoria and shankar mahadevan than skinny alley, people actually applauded a poem called 'bomb se uda do yaaron pakistan ko', the techno mix crappy versions of jal's aadat are more popular than the original, paheli was india's official entry for the oscars instead of hazaaron khwahishein aisi, someone actually told me that i sing very well...the list goes on and on...i'm sick of it...i'm totally sick of it...

but life still goes on...was recently inspired to write what follows...had been swirling in my head for a long time so i decided to finally give it form...



Brahmanandaam, Paramsukhdaam

dancing in ecstasy to the rhythm of life
in that frozen moment of exuberance
just you and me and the night sky
melting and flowing and becoming one
our bodies entwine, the dance continues
the dance of celebration, the dance of life
locked in embrace for all eternity
no time, no space, no thought in mind
no sound save the rhythm of silence
just you and me and the night sky
our bodies fuse in the dance of passion
you become me, i become you
just you and me and the night sky
just the rhythm and the dance
gar firdaus bar rue zamiast
hamiasto hamiasto hamiast...

over the cliff...

felt really inspired by 'citr'('catcher in the rye' by j.d.salinger, for the ignorant)...came up with the following...
disclaimer:you might not understand what is being said if you haven't read the book.

ecstatic,euphoric...
running in gay abandon
through the rye field
never thinking of what was yet to come...
ebullient,exuberant...
running like a madman
living every moment of life
never thinking that this could end...
innocent,ignorant...
running right over
the edge of a crazy cliff
never knowing that this was the end...

where were you catcher in the rye?
why didn't you come to save me?
i believed you catcher in the rye
but i'm over the cliff already...

wish i could return
to that field of rye
and run again in innocence
with not a phony
thing in sight
not a hint of pretence...
but the lagoon gets icy and frozen
and the ducks have got to go
i'd like to break the ice and swim
but they just wont let me go
they make me play by rules they make
life being a game and all...
you said it was crazy but you'd do it
then why'd you let me fall?

where were you catcher in the rye?
why didn't you come to save me?
i believed you catcher in the rye
but i'm over the cliff already...

i don't like anything thats happening
i don't like a million things
i don't...
the lagoon is frozen and i want to go
flying away with the ducks
i won't...

i won't give up before getting started
i won't keep falling and falling...
i won't go on down and down
i'm not afraid of stopping...

i don't need you catcher in the rye,
i'm over the cliff already...
but i'll make my own field of rye
and then i won't miss everybody...

therefore, i seek quietus...

someone by the name of 'bien a vous' left a comment on my earlier post quietus...i started replying,but then i thought that the reply would mean explaining my poem's central concept...so i am writing this post...
the comment was...
"u wander thru eternity seeking quietus ....
essaying escape.... from eternity ...
n ur own dark shadow ...
eternal life ... eternal youth ..
eternal thirst ... eternal knowledge ...
eternal unrest ... eternal quest ...
eternal solitude ... eternal peace ...
the only constant in an ephemeral cosmos ...
relinquish this power for an unknown mundane end ?
immortality a curse or immortality ur curse ??"

well said...
eternal youth? i beg to differ...youth is a state of mind where every experience is relatively new to you and you want to enjoy every aspect of life to its fullest...what after that? are you still young when you are not excited by anything life has to offer? when everything becomes ordinary and boring?
eternal knowledge? nobody on earth knows everything...even if we were to coalesce all human knowledge throughout history, we would still be left with many unanswered questions which would continuosly gnaw on the heart of the immortal...and haven't you heard, ignorance is bliss???
eternal quest? for what??? what are we all seeking? the answers to all the unanswered questions? god? a state of continuous existence?...the first two will never be found and the third is undesirable if they're not...and according to many schools of thought what every solitary soul is striving for is either a state of non-existence or union with the supreme, both of which involve destruction of the self...if that is true bliss then immortality is a curse...
eternal peace?there has never been peace in the world and there never will be...man has the constant need for an enemy, because the social structure needs an external threat so that it does not implode...in such a world full of morons and animals not fit to be called civilised, which soul can find peace? if you see people repeating their mistakes over and over without learning from history, how can you be at peace?
i know it is better to rule in hell than to serve in heaven, but it is better to serve in heaven or hell than to remain on this earth forever, even if you do rule it...therefore, i seek quietus...
by the way, let me clarify that the poem is not in my voice but in that of count dracula...immortality is definitely not my curse, though i would have loved to be a vampire...

***************************************************

random thought...
i just want to get away from it all...go away to some remote corner of the earth for a few years...somewhere where nobody knows me, where modern technology still has a long way to go...where i can see the clear sky at night in all its splendour with not a human light in sight and hold my love gently as she goes off to sleep...

quietus...lament of the vampire

i loved the idea of the last tag so much that i decided i'll do it again...so here goes...

quietus \kwy-EE-tus\ noun

1 : final settlement (as of a debt)
2 : removal from activity; especially : death
3 : something that quiets or represses



i wander through eternity seeking quietus
to the covenant with my father...
he gave me eternal life...
eternal thirst,eternal unrest,
eternal solitude...
i wander in the darkness seeking quietus
all around me are flowers,they wither and die
i stand like the tree,gnarled and old...
nothing grows in my dark shadow...
immortality is a curse,i seek quietus...

the dance of the dervishes...

saw this one on s!'s blog...tagged myself with this one as it seemed interesting...now zis iz wat iz to be done...
1. flip open a dictionary and point to a word / get word of the day from dictionary.com
2. type the word into google images.
3. pick an image that strikes you.
4. write a 10 line riff off the image.
5. use the word or the meaning at least once within the first 5 lines.
6. tag 3 other bloggers on your list.
so here goes...



ebullient \ih-BUL-yuhnt\, adjective:
1. Overflowing with enthusiasm or excitement; high-spirited.
2. Boiling up or over.



why are you so happy o soul
trapped as you are in this world
of illusion and misery...
why so ebullient and frenzied?
i have found the way to end all this
i dance to the rhythm of life itself...
i dance and i'm one with every atom...
i dance to dispel all illusion...
i dance and i have been set free,
for one is all and all is one...
in this moment of ebullience and ecstasy...
aham brahmasmi...



and i would like to tag dc,thedq and pallavi...have fun...

lord of the dance...

"Because You love the Burning -ground, I have made a Burning-ground of my heart - That You, Dark One, hunter of the Burning-ground, May dance Your eternal dance."
-Bengali Hymn

this simple sculpture is perhaps the best representation of the supreme being in human history...this masterful work of art depicts shiva as the lord of the dance, nataraj...
the dance of destruction,the dance of creation,the rhythm of life and death...the dance of bliss...he dances to destroy,he dances to create,he dances to dispel all illusion,he dances to enlighten,he dances to set you free...
the fire in the left hand destroys all evil...the damru in the right is the symbol of united male and female energies which are the source of all creation...the right foot rests on apasmara,a symbol of illusion,which is overcome by the lord...the left foot,held aloft,symbolises salvation and the lower left hand points towards it...this foot is also in a different plane than the rest of the sculpture...the lower right hand says 'fear not'...the flowing matted hair show the frenzy of the motion which is the dance that lends its motion to the entire cosmos,represented by the arch of flames around the dancer...
another perspective to this piece of art is offered by Fritzov Kapra,who says "every subatomic particle not only performs an energy dance, but also is an energy dance; a pulsating process of creation and destruction…without end…For the modern physicists, then Shiva's dance is the dance of subatomic matter. As in Hindu mythology, it is a continual dance of creation and destruction involving the whole cosmos; the basis of all existence and of all natural phenomena."
for a more detailed analysis of all the elements of the nataraj click here...


"The source of all movement,
Shiva's dance,
Gives rhythm to the universe.
He dances in evil places,
In sacred,
He creates and preserves,
Destroys and releases.
We are part of this dance
This eternal rhythm,
And woe to us if, blinded
By illusions,
We detach ourselves
From the dancing cosmos,
This universal harmony…"
-Ruth Peel

thoughts and actions...

another year passes me by...another milestone to be crossed...a score and two years(all right, one day less) spent on this earth as a part of this experiment in futility called life...this unquenched thirst for knowledge grows more and more as you try to satiate it...why do we have the powers of logic and reasoning when our only seeming purpose in life is to survive and propagate?...this endless game of life and death continues...happy(???) birthday to me in advance...

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participated in my first quiz as an adult on saturday...got the third prize...
also attended a theatre workshop during the weekend...learned a little about the elements of theatre and art...also reconfirmed my belief in my knowledge of bangla...i can comprehend almost completely now though i still find it difficult to speak fluently...hope to learn the script soon...
felt really nice when a theatre professional told me to try and keep doing dramatics throughout my life...refuelled my passion for dramatics...
have been really busy with preparations for illumination and rangoli competition(a unique tradition at iit-kgp) as diwali comes near...
been reading a little of the 'holy bible'...being surprised by the fact that people still consider it to be THE TRUTH...not allegorical, but literal!?!

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"'Twas brillig and the slithy toves
did gyre and gimble in the wabe.
All mimsy were the borogoves,
and the mome raths outgrabe."
- Lewis Carroll(from Jabberwocky in 'Through the looking glass')

thus spake nietzsche...

"The conditions under which any one understands me, and necessarily understands me--I know them only too well. Even to endure my seriousness, my passion, he must carry intellectual integrity to the verge of hardness. He must be accustomed to living on mountain tops--and to looking upon the wretched gabble of politics and nationalism as beneath him. He must have become indifferent; he must never ask of the truth whether it brings profit to him or a fatality to him... He must have an inclination, born of strength, for questions that no one has the courage for; the courage for the forbidden; predestination for the labyrinth. The experience of seven solitudes. New ears for new music. New eyes for what is most distant. A new conscience for truths that have hitherto remained unheard. And the will to economize in the grand manner--to hold together his strength, his enthusiasm...Reverence for self; love of self; absolute freedom of self.....

Very well, then! of that sort only are my readers, my true readers, my readers foreordained: of what account are the rest?--The rest are merely humanity.--One must make one's self superior to humanity, in power, in loftiness of soul,--in contempt."

FRIEDRICH W. NIETZSCHE (in the preface to 'the antichrist')

mission kashmir...

coming back from the hospital after a long time...the dreaded chicken pox struck me without any warnings...nobody around me had it and it seems i gave it to no one at all...really feels bad not to have given anyone else the chance to give up their freedom for a few days...
now coming to the point...for a long time now i have been interested in song meanings and interpretations and led zep has been my greatest challenge...finally i think i have made some sense out of the song kashmir which incidentally is credited to all 4 members of the band...so here goes...
to give a little background...from my wanderings on the net i discovered that bonham was a great fan of tolkien and parts of this song are inspired by his "the simarillion"(forgive me if i got the spelling wrong)...the song is based on the bands travels through the deserts of morocco...now lets go on to the lyrics...

"Oh let the sun beat down upon my face, stars to fill my dream
I am a traveler of both time and space, to be where I have been
To sit with elders of the gentle race, this world has seldom seen
They talk of days for which they sit and wait and all will be revealed
Talk and song from tongues of lilting grace, whose sounds caress my ear
But not a word I heard could I relate, the story was quite clear
Oh, oh."
here they are obviously imagining morocco as the land of the elves who are called the gentle race...the elder elves(or moroccan tribesmen) discuss prophecies and sing songs about them in a language we don't understand but somehow understand the gist of what is said...probably this part has been written by bonham...

"Oh, I been flying... mama, there ain’t no denyin’
I’ve been flying, ain’t no denyin’, no denyin’"
this is an obvious drug reference...as they are flying high...in all probability this part is plant's(or maybe page's)...

"All I see turns to brown, as the sun burns the ground
And my eyes fill with sand, as I scan this wasted land
Trying to find, trying to find where I’ve been."
a rude awakening to reality...after the effects have worn off they see themselves in a desert land with no elves or prophecies...

"Oh, pilot of the storm who leaves no trace, like thoughts inside a dream
Heed the path that led me to that place, yellow desert stream
My shangri-la beneath the summer moon, I will return again
Sure as the dust that floats high and true, when movin’ through kashmir."
the promised land of the prophecies and elves is sought by them...they are sure that they will return to this shangri-la,this kashmir...the reference to kashmir must not be taken to refer to the disputed land but to the ideal of heaven on earth represented by it...

"Oh, father of the four winds, fill my sails, across the sea of years
With no provision but an open face, along the straits of fear
Ohh."
they ask god to give them courage for this journey of soul searching to reach that promised land(that ideal) through defeating their fears...

"When I’m on, when I’m on my way, yeah
When I see, when I see the way, you stay-yeah
Ooh, yeah-yeah, ooh, yeah-yeah, when I’m down...
Ooh, yeah-yeah, ooh, yeah-yeah, well I’m down, so down
Ooh, my baby, oooh, my baby, let me take you there
Let me take you there. let me take you there"
through this seeking the singer asks the beloved to stay with him so that they can reach this state of mind together...

this interpretation struck me suddenly while listening to the song one day with my friend handa...i started telling him and he said that this was the best interpretation that he had heard so far and coaxed me to put it on my blog...so here it is...it might well not be what the band intended but still its what i take it to mean...i'll end with a quote on kashmir in persian...
Gar Firdaus bar-ruye zamin ast
Hamin asto hamin asto hamin ast.
(if there is heaven on earth...it is here,it is here,it is here...)